“I am not my sexual trauma.” If you got this far, awesome! 90% of people won’t read this particular blog. Why? Because it is uncomfortable? Or, it isn’t funny? Could it be they aren’t ready to face their sexual trauma because it is too painful? I’ve been there! And, I am sharing my story only so I can help others.
If you are in a crisis situation, please CLICK HERE for resources.
1 out of 3 women in the world are victims of sexual abuse/violence. We can’t be certain of the statistics for men as you are most likely not going to report it, right? This abuse could be rape or molestation – but does it really matter which? To be clear, there are a lot of different terms and forms of sexual abuse/violence that I’m not going to discuss here. That’s a different article for another time, but you can read in more detail about the statistics HERE.
That said, maybe you were “just” sexually harassed? Or, maybe you are a victim of the media and societal beliefs about what women are and are not and should and should not be? OR, maybe you’re a guy and you’re a victim of the media and societal beliefs about what men are and are not and should and should not be?
ALL of these scenarios constitute sexual trauma. And, when you include all of that, I believe we can say ALL of us are victims in some form or another. Also, I believe it safe to say that those of us who were physically traumatized in some way are more psychologically impacted, as a generalization. There are always exceptions because we all handle trauma differently depending upon our upbringing and genetics and a multitude of other factors.
So, let’s get to my story. I’m not going to write about everything that happened to me as some of it is still too private to share. But, in a nutshell, I was molested as a small child by a male relative. AND, I must say the perpetrator was not my dad. While it was “merely” molestation and not rape (that I’ve chosen to recall at this point, anyway), this honestly screwed me up BIG time! And, this person was “touchy-feely” so I always dreaded hugging him as it was uncomfortable. (Don’t make your children give hugs and kisses!) As I got to be an older teenager, I learned a way to hug him that prevented him from being able to “cop a feel” on the sides of my boobs.
In high school, there was a group of “jocks” who were merciless with sexual harassment of the female population. They would hang out around a particular fountain near the main hallway. As girls walked by, they would make lewd and “inappropriate” sexual comments. Unfortunately, this happened to me numerous times a day for my entire sophomore year. These experiences were humiliating and degrading. And, 35 years ago, this behavior was acceptable. “Boys will be boys”, right?
Then, as a college student I was nearly gang raped. I naively agreed to attend an off-campus party with some guys I had met at a club. Thankfully, I wasn’t destined for that trauma, and they miraculously let me leave. My guardian angel was working really hard for me during college! I was depressed and had an alcohol problem that put me into too many precarious situations. I was fortunate that was the only time I ended up in that particularly dangerous predicament. And, this scenario I endured has been played out again and again for decades.
Effects of Sexual Trauma
How was my life impacted by this trauma? Oh, let me count the ways.
- Fear of and discomfort with being hugged
- Difficulty receiving and giving love and affection
- Craving love but feeling fearful of it which led to feeling unloved
- Control issues
- Feeling unsafe in my body
- Afraid to appear too sexy and then going to the extreme of dressing for attention (Although most often, definitely fearful of showing cleavage or of wearing form fitting clothes that might attract unwanted attention. Even discomfort if someone could see my bra strap or the outline of my bra through my shirt.)
- Hyper-vigilance – always on the look-out for danger or problems
- Guilt/shame – didn’t feel like I deserved love
- Dependence upon the intellect – safer to be in my head than in my body
- Chronic low back pain
- Reproductive issues
- Ankle problems
- And more….
Additionally, the molestation by my male relative was not limited to me, but involved many other females in the family. Consequently, ALL of us have had reproductive issues. Every single one of us. Often when there is a “genetic” or hereditary problem such as that, it is due to some sort of traumatic experience in the family. For more info, you can read about the field of study called epigenetics.
Please remember, the effect of trauma is not limited to our emotional well-being. It can manifest as a physical problem and often as a spiritual problem. “Why did God let this happen to me?” is a typical question. Obviously, it opens up a whole other can of worms that can lead a person to feel rejected, abandoned and unloved.
Lastly, the effect of trauma is not limited to OUR physical being on this planet. Additionally, it impacts the people around us and EVEN our descendants since trauma can actually alter our DNA and be passed on – as mentioned previously.
Healing from Sexual Trauma
If you have experienced some sort of sexual trauma, please seek help. Do not remain silent! Unfortunately, I suffered from the effects for nearly 45 years. And, I want you to read these following sentences multiple times – The sexual trauma you endured WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. You did not cause it by being too pretty or by wearing revealing clothes. You did not deserve it for any reason at all! You deserve to be free of the effects. You deserve love and affection. And, you are worthy of love!
To lessen the effects of your trauma, there are multiple techniques that you can do including a forgiveness practice, yoga, meditation, and journaling. These are not cures, of course, but they can bring you some peace. Obviously, you can also consult a mental health practitioner. If you are not thrilled with the idea of psychotherapy, please talk with me about the process I used to recover from my sexual trauma – the Vibrational UPgrade System™ . This potent and powerful method is a combination of energy healing and mindfulness coaching. It is immensely effective, and results are usually obtained much faster than with traditional therapy alone. AND, no talking and no pharmaceuticals are necessary!
As mentioned above, if you are in a crisis situation, please CLICK HERE for resources.
Rising Above Sexual Trauma Event
For more information about the effects of sexual trauma and to receive a group healing to begin the process of recovery, register for my event, “Rising Above Sexual Trauma”. It is being held Wednesday, July 29th at 7pm CST via Zoom.
You can click below for more info and to register for the event. Also, if you are unable to attend the event live, a recording will be available.
Sending you much love and peace! May healing be yours!
If you found this article helpful and would like to do more in-depth healing of your trauma utilizing The Vibrational UPgrade™ System like I did, please book a 30 minute session with me to discuss how I may help you.
I submitted two essays for this #1 bestselling book, 365 Soulful Messages – The Right Guidance at the Right Time. Over 200 authors submitted essays about meaningful messages that they received, from either here on Earth or beyond, that helped to shift their life in a positive way. The titles of mine are “Our Best is Good Enough” and “How Synchronicities Saved My Life”.
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