“I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent.”
Dr. Kristen Neff
Wow, that quote resonates with the old me! With courage, I dedicated 2019 to my personal/spiritual development. Consequently, I spent a lot of time alone, away from my family, engrossed in the process. I often heard others say this internal work was essentially taking over my life, and I was hyper-focused. Obviously, this feedback didn’t help with the lifelong feelings of guilt I was trying to overcome!
When I started this healing process, I was 49 years old, in my third marriage, and had raised 3 kids and helped raise 2 step-kids. And, I owned a successful company that had 4 staff members and 100 clients who depended upon me. As you can see, I spent my whole adult life tending to OTHER people’s needs. It was TIME for me to take care of ME. It was time for me to be more self-indulgent. I had put it off for so long partly because – yes – I didn’t want to appear selfish by taking time for myself. Hence, there was A LOT of trauma to address so it was going to take an immense amount of time and effort to work through it all.
Self-Indulgence is wrong and bad
Sound familiar? WHY do we feel guilty about taking care of our inner selves? Is it wrong or bad to be more self-absorbed when it comes to our well-being? And, why don’t we call concentrating on ourselves “self-loving” instead of “self-indulgent”? Perhaps the resistance is because there is no easy gauge for society to use to determine if all the time we spend on our emotional well-being is actually making any difference. For instance, I cannot create a pie chart and say, “Look at the % of change in my ability to be kind to myself!” Or, “Look! I only say negative things to myself 150 times a day instead of 500! This process is working!”
Unfortunately, the changes to our false beliefs and the accompanying healing are not measurable. However, these changes are SO utterly necessary if we are going to exist peacefully, full of joy and love. And, I believe that is why so many of us put off therapy, counseling, spiritual work, energy healing, or whatever modality we may use to help ourselves feel better INSIDE. Seemingly, if it can’t be measured and proven, it must be a waste of time. Furthermore, there is too much stigma around being self-indulgent.
Do you see how your inability to be SELF-compassionate is not even your fault? It is TIME for you to take a stand. You CAN put yourself first! So, carve out time to develop your self-compassion. Without it, you may find it more challenging to truly have care and concern for anyone else. Present this endeavor to your loved ones as a win-win situation for all parties. 🙂
Use this tool below to discover what’s going on in your head that you are not consciously aware of. It is called “free writing”, and I’ve been doing it for about 2 years. This process is best done with “pen and paper”, so grab a notebook and a writing instrument.
- Concentrate on this intention for a minute:
- I recognize suffering in order to release it. Curiosity breeds compassion.
- Write this question at the top of your piece of paper:
- What pain or suffering can I listen to now with curiosity?
- Now, write whatever comes to your mind. If nothing is flowing, write, “Nothing is coming to me” or “Boy, this is really stupid. Why am I doing this?” Don’t think about it. Don’t analyze it. Just write what comes up. It takes a bit of practice, but the insight could be extremely valuable to you! Save this free write as we’ll be using it later.
- Repeat the exercise from Day 2.
I send you peace, love, and the courage to be more self-loving.
If you found this article helpful and would like to do more in-depth healing of your trauma utilizing The Vibrational UPgrade™ System like I did, please book a 30 minute session with me to discuss how I may help you.
I submitted two essays for this #1 bestselling book, 365 Soulful Messages – The Right Guidance at the Right Time. Over 200 authors submitted essays about meaningful messages that they received, from either here on Earth or beyond, that helped to shift their life in a positive way. The titles of mine are “Our Best is Good Enough” and “How Synchronicities Saved My Life”.
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